HONEST!

Hey my beauty and lifestyle bloggers :) 

I know I posted and tweeted I will do more beauty reviews and buys etc post but I would like to share something with you first and maybe get and inside on how I am right now as a person and why I haven't been blogging. I love the blogging community and everyone I have spoken to on here and on twitter are super lovely and I don't want you all to disapper now I have written this. Your all lovely supportive and bloodily good with make up tips and advice that have helped me and reading your blog's make me smile and forget the bad things going on.

Okay.... So the last couple of days have been a little hard for me to the fact that I have been sad, upset, crying all the time, sitting in the dark room of my bedroom no tele, no music no laptop. I think about to much, I worry to much and think of all the bad things that have happened over the last couple of years and how nothing ever seems to go right for me. 
I seriously am unlucky in everything... Love, friendships, family, career you name it and lately when one think goes bad everything seems to follow and that has happened to me. I can't control over how I am feeling its like something takes over me and makes me sad and think bad stuff about myself. The little voice in my head over shadows the nice, happy little voice. I get angry or I go all quiet and just want to be alone and shut my self away from the world... If I dissappered would any one notice? would any one care? I don't like myself this way but at the same time I can't get out of it. When good things happen or start to happen it goes away but it takes time for me to get back and get that little angel voice back.
I have a lot going on at work which to be honest started everything off I think. Followed by numerous 'friends' that have come into my life made me feel like crap knocked my tiny amount of confidence I had and walked out of my life *yes that is the good part I know* but when you feel like you have hit rock bottem how are you meant to build yourself back up again. 
I don't see myself as a loveable person. I have a lot of love to give and if I am honesty *that is what this post is about* I would just like some one to love me back don't get me wrong I have my parents and little brother that I know love me as well being this way have been trying to make me happy and tell me this but sometimes it isn't enough.
Everything around me in is going wrong. I feel everything I touch turns out bad. I have alot of negative thoughts running though my mind atm I just want to SCREAAAAAAAMMMM and run away and hide forever :( 

I know what is wrong with me as I have suffered with it for a while now but this is my saddest and darkest time for me... I cant do nothing right...

Please don't judge me on writing this post as it's pretty hard and well I am crying as I write this but I felt like I needed to explain the whole being quiet in the blogging world.

If anyone can relate or just wants to chat feel free to comment below or more privately my email address is misschelsealouise@outlook.com

Thanks for reading guys 
Chelsea Louise xxx