Loosing Matt.... 6 Months On

Hey...

I was going to do a little what I bought make up and clothes post but instead I thought I would update of the the last 6 months and what it has been like..... I am going back to the post I wrote 'Loosing Matt'.
6 Months has passed since I wrote the post and 6 months has passed since he went away, never to return. The hardest half a year I have experienced that's for sure. No one really talks about it any more, like its gone and forgotten. But for me it never really is. Yeah time makes things seem easier but the guy was one ( I have two Matt and Chloe) of my best friends. Do you know how hard it is loosing your best friend and having to carry on your everyday life without them being at the end of a phone or text away.
 Since that day I swear I have had more things going on in my life than ever and I don't have Matt to turn to, give me the advice he always gave me,sometimes its was bad and I mean bad but most the time I listened. Everyday there is something that has happened that makes me want to pick up my phone and text him *drama queen I know* .There is something about having a guy best friend that is different to a female best friend and anyone that has one will know what I mean. They make fun of you but they help you more than girls will sometimes and it always nice to have the guys point of view of certain things. 

When I go running or on my own I always have little thoughts of what it would be like if he was still around like would he be with me talking of all the things we were going to do in the future, or him laughing at me as I am trying to run my best. What his thoughts are on me FINALLY applying to University? Telling people how I feel? Living my life the way I had been talking to him about for the past 7 years? So many questions... So many unanswered questions :(

My life has changed since August because I don't have Matt around any more. It is like starting all over again. Changing things what I have been so used to for the past 7 years. I wouldn't say it's like a routine our friendship as we always argued over the stupidest little things. We were so different but that is what made our friendship. I trusted him with my life and I can safely say he would say the same about me.  How many people in your life can you honestly and truthly say that about someone?! 

All the first's without him :( 
Christmas time was tough! Real tough. I hid it well from my friends and family as I didn't want to ruin it for them but I cried a couple of times and I even wrote letters to Matt telling him how much I hated him for not being on my doorstep Christmas Eve and the fact I carried my phone around all day Christmas Day waiting for a phone call and the text when the Christmas Dr Who special to come on. Of course none of these things happened :( .
 New year comes around and of course I cried like a baby as I never wanted 2015 to come around as I didn't want to leave Matt in 2014 while I went on into 2015. I HATE that I have to say that he passed last year, I hate having to say it at all but ya know!
 Then we have my up and coming birthday another first for me JOY!! He has been by my side since my 17th birthday watched me throw up, dance on tables, get banned from clubs and certain food places, to walking me home listening to me moan about some guy or other or even held my hair back while i puked * nice image for you there* but that was my best friend. May I also add I did the same to him not the holding hair back but watched him do ALOT of foolish things. Right old pair!!
So this is the first without him. 

I know there are plenty more first to come along in the next 6 months but I am ready to deal with them and face them. But I just want to say it is bloodly hard loosing someone like that and I would never ever wish it on a single person. 
I wish people would talk about him more or let me talk about him more I feel like sometimes I want to say something but I don't want people to feel bad or sorry for me. I've had enough of the sad and pity faces now. Just let me talk about him every now and then and laugh at something. He may be gone but he has been a HUUUUGGGGGEEEE influence on my life in life and in his death. I look at things so different now. 

He would sooo be laughing at me right now as I am crying just writing about all this and expressing my feelings and he will be saying " You're such a girl, you need to man up" such a DICK sometimes.


I am not going to apologize for this post as well I wanted to update you all on the whole 'Loosing Matt' and I wanted to get my feelings and words out there :) 

Thanks for reading :)

XOXO