So today I am going to share what has happened in my life one to get it off my chest a whole little blog post to the person that helped me with so much in my little life and has no idea how much I loved him ( maybe he did id tell him all the time and he the same to me :'(. )
On Sunday 24th August 2014 I lost the one guy that has been consistent in my life for the past 7 years. The one person that would tell me the truth instead of beating around the bush, give me advice and even fashion advice from time to time and the one person that I would tell everything to and he would never judge me but offer his helping hand. My best friend Matt Dunkley. Matt died in his sleep after suffering a eplictic fit. The one thing that is reasuring is that he never was in any pain.
It was the biggest shock of my life knowing that you where laughing and joking one day about him stupidly missing one piece of uni work that meant he had to wait an extra year to graduate to someone telling you he died. How can this be? Surely must be a joke some rather sick and stupid joke! It wasn't and I broke down I must of cried for about 3 hours that night even crying myself to sleep.
Worse part was waking up the next morning thinking "What an awful dream?" to find out it wasn't a dream and you nightmare is actually true. Logging on to Facebook and seeing everyone's RIP post killed me and yep I cried even more. I think that Monday was the quietest I have ever been but what do you do when something bad like this happens and the one person you normally talk to or cry to is the one person it is all about.
Even now today I go to my phone and start a text to him as I miss talking to him. Its just not fair, life is not fair right now! Who dies 3 weeks after turning 24. 24!!! Haven't even had the chance to live his life properly become that famous movie star that we all know he was destined to be. Not even going to get the chance to go to his own graduation, which he was so gutted that he couldn't attend this year with all his mates.
The past 3 weeks have been hard and testing I have been through so many emotions most recently snappy an angry. I am angry that he gone. His left me in this world he has left us all without his presence, his crazy ways and his obessive need to be naked all the time * hand over eyes* how on earth are we all meant to carry on when there is a big old missing piece of our lives gone forever.
I need you to come back and moan at me, lecture me and I need some of you well known guy advice. I just want you to come back and squeeze and throw me in the air like you always did when you saw me. I'll even throw away them cardigans that you hated me wearing so much (told me I looked like a granny instead of a 24 year old) I would give the world to spend one last day with you talking Dr Who and getting a little drunk in spoons like the good old days.
But tonight has been the hardest as for the past week I have been avoiding all talk to Matt and his "leaving do" as I don't want to cry any more not in front of people I don't want to seem weak :( but today I broke as I have to come to terms with the fact that TOMORROW is Matt's leaving do (Funeral) and I HAVE to say goodbye. When I don't want to say goodbye as its the hardest thing for me to do and when you love and care about some one so much its 10 times worse.
My life will never be the same now your gone :( I am well and truly Heartbroken. RIP Matt my little shining star love always your Little Miss Disney XXX
That is where my Blog name came from.
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