Such a weird and for me such a personal post to write but I want to write it, put it out there.
I am quite a happy and bubbly person.. I make a fool of myself and say silly stuff as its me that is my personality and now I feel like I can be this person and not be so shy and hide away but its not the way I have also been.
School and College I was quite shy and kept myself to myself I had my friends may I add they are still my friends today (Chrissy, Chloe and Kita) the only people that know me like the back of their hands. I had and until quite recently had a BIG issue with my body confidence. I know it effects quite A LOT of young girls and more and more every day these days but I was one of them.
I don't 100% know what triggered it off as I remember being in primary school and early years of secondary school and not really worrying so much but once I hit 14/15 things changed I was reading them stupid magazines that always had 'PERFECT BODY' on the front and comparing myself to them and thinking I was fat... Short and Fat two things that no teenager wants to think of herself. I also started looking at my friends and thinking why am I the chunky one? why am I the shy one? What didn't help was the comments I had when I was in my form calling me FAT or THUNDER THIGHS it was horrible and I always said I was never bullied I wasn't as such but I was mentally bullied and it was myself and others around me. Which is quite possibly the worse thing in the world.
I used to cry ALL THE TIME about this which looking at it now I can cry about it all :( Teenage years are so so cruel!! Words people say are so cruel and can really effect people even when you don't know what's happening behide close doors. I can not image what it is like being in school now with all the social media and the amount to programmes on the television that make girls think they need to get that perfect body. Some one really needs to make a stand against all this....... Anyway getting off track.... For me College was just as bad Hairdressing was a nightmare, it was like you had to look a certain way and be a certain way to fit it WHICH I NEVER WAS I was my own person and I did stand my ground on more than one occasion here but I ended up quitting Hairdressing as I was crying and upset and hated the pressure on what i should be and was even from the teachers who where just as bad and stuck up. I'm not that person I have a brain... looks will only ever get you so far :D
I was still in a bad place nothing changed and I ended up eating my feelings * SO CRINGE THINKING ABOUT THIS NOW* but school and college was cruel to me.
I NEVER liked what I saw in the mirror, I was the girl that would get changed or dressed in private never in front of people or with the light off, Never got in a bikini ( until recently) and is probably another reason why I never learnt to swim and I wore clothes bigger than me so no one would say anything negative about me.
I tried every single diet and I mean everything and I even tried cutting food out completly but it didn't work because I LOVE FOOD TO MUCH!!!!
Okay so for the me know... I am completely different and I am the happiest I have been in my life. I have accepted the way I am I am NEVER going to be skinny and TBH I don't think I want to be skinny as its more fun having a bit of meat on you HAHA;) I am short accepted that... Good things come in small packages* also I am bloodly lucky I have boobs that people would die for including one of my best friends * which is rather funny as I used to wish I was as skinny as her* Plus people PAY to get the size I have HELLO POSITIVE PART OF MY BODY!!!!
I wish I could go back and tell my younger self what I know now save myself so much time and effort crying. Tell myself that the weight that you are then is NOT FAT but tell myself that I loose that stone you dreamt of loosing just to make sure the future is stress free for little me.
Key things that I have learnt along my way...
Number One: Surround yourself with good friends they are the key to your happiness. They do not care what you look like and no matter what will be by your side through thick and thin and help in any way possible.
Number 2: I know it is hard but try and keep positive thoughts. Scrap away all the negative. I try a read a quote every morning just when I wake up and really makes me think and sets me up for the day.
Number 3: DO NOT own a pair of scales. The worse thing I had when I was younger as I used to be on them every single day. Take them away and then you don't have a reason to be sad.
Number 4: Do things that you love and do not do them because you are worried what people may think around you. Its your life, your experience and your happiness and happiness is the key.
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