Heey People :) This is my first post of the weekend as I just wanted to write its 5 Months till Christmas, as many of you know I LOVE Christmas it is my FAVOURITE time of year to be honest I would happily skip summer and the hot weather for the cold winter nights, everyone in the Christmas spirt, films, hot chocolate, snuggles you name it I love it... oh and WINTER WONDERLAND is the most amazing place EVER at Christmas time. Damn now I'm all excited and it's only the 17th September :( :(
Anyway, This past year has not been the easiest for me from falling ill, to falling even more ill and not being able to walk, cross my legs or straighten my arm was the hardest time I have ever had. Being bed bound and not being able just simply walking down the stairs with out someone of my family helping me holding me up I felt like I wanted to crawl under my duvet and just cry and cry which is what I did pretty much everyday. Going to the doctors and the hospital for them telling me its tendonitis over and over again it never was and they should have looked into my case. I tired working but I was useless I know I was so I had more time off taking tablets that just took the edge of the pain off thinking there was just no end to my pain until my mum stepped in and noticed that my arm had locked and couldn't straighten it up and straight back to the doctors a new doctor who FINALLY saw that something was not right (I mean I was only 22 for god sake how was that normal) so after what felt like a billion blood test, x rays, pee tests and talking for hours on end about the pain he refered me to the hospital YAAAAAY!!! The downside I had to suffer until the new year till I saw my consultant which meant Christmas 2012 SUCKED!! But come January I finally got my results and I FINALLY got diagnosed with Arthritis at first it was a bugger to find what medication I can take I had so many needle medication I do a dot to dot on my body with them but it didn't work :(( tablets that made me have a massive rash all over my body (it looked disgusting) but finally in March 2013 I was given some tablets and they have finally done the trick and my arthritis is at bay I don't know how long for but at the moment I am pain free, knee is a normal size and my arm is pretty much straight. Its never going to go away and there is always a fear that if I get ill it will more than likely come back :(
Going through all this made me sad VERY sad I wasnt my self, I always felt people were watching me because I couldn't walk, I did not care about my apperance anymore, I never felt I could do my job any more I cried all the time at work ( I do not know how them girls put up with me TBH) I would go home and cry, I stopped talking to my friends, never went out. I went though a difficult time and anyone who knows me is I am a happy bubbly person I'm always smiling, talking ,dancing or just making a fool of myself and this was a complete different person just writing this makes me sad on how I was :( So in January 2012 I was also diagnosed with Depression and Anixity :(( It was a dark time in my life! But I have such great people at work and I do have amazing friends that started helping me and I bet they didn't even know it :) and I have been to my counilor for 8 weeks and it has completly changed my way of thinking, talking to someone that doesn't know you and that dont judge you and my word does it help my mind is all happy and full of so many positive thoughts now. Its CRAZZZZZZY! But I am back :)
So this is why I started of with the info on Christmas because I feel like I missed last Christmas and was so sad and in a lot of pain that I want this one to be AMAZEEEEEEEEEEEE and share it with all the people that support me and DONT judge me on the dark part of my life because you'll miss me now and now is where I want to be :)
Thanks for reading and please leave a comment
Love
Chelsea Lou xxxxxx
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